The · Plague

Whether or not that includes Livejournal or some kind of ramblings I write just for myself.

So I've started another semester of college, and I cannot believe I've been here this long. Whoa. I don't know if I had mentioned that I'm taking classes for switching my major/taking medical school prerequisites. So now I'm on the track to being a chemical engineer, because I definitely like the route that can take me in my life, instead of just learning about nuclear reactors. Because unfortunately, as much as I liked the idea of going far with gas-moderated reactors, there is so much red tape in the nuclear industry that something like that wouldn't happen for a long long time. For now it's just water-moderated reactors.

Anyway, I was also here at school during the summer, and along with some other chemistry class, a chemical engineering class, I took the O chem I class, and I have no idea how I passed that, because Spock and I were stoned the entire summer. But apparently I was just sober enough to pull through that class. I am taking O chem II now, and my professor is the wife of my O chem I professor, and she's definitely going to be a much harder professor. But it is a very involved subject, and I promise I will study more often.

Also, if you ever find yourself taking similar classes or a pair of classes where there is a part one and a part two of that class, and the professors are married, the wife will have a different last name, and she will be teaching the harder class. I've had this happen to me three times now. I don't believe she's trying to overcompensate for being in a related subject to her husband, I just believe that intelligent men appreciate bad ass intelligent women. And having different last names and teaching similar classes makes things much less confusing.

Spock and I also ended up not working out during the month of August and most of July, and we ordered Dominos every few days, so he and I definitely increased our body fat percentage. But I think my abs are still more noticeable than his, but I've always been better at cardio. So now he and I are on the fast track to losing the fat and gaining the muscle he and I had at the end of Spring semester. I have noticed that I'm not that much weaker than I was months ago, but my stamina has been shot to shit.

It is incredibly important that he and I have <10% body fat, because we're doing The Rocky Horror Picture Show in October, and he and I like to make people jealous. On a sillier note, I read Watchmen this summer so I finally allowed myself to watch the movie, so Spock and I made t-shirts. His is blue with Dr. Manhattan's symbol, and mine is white with a Rorschach blot. We thought it was pretty cool, because he and I have similar sizes and builds of these characters, so we may end up dressing up as them for the con in the spring.

Well, I have to make myself something to eat. I'll post again soon. I swear.

New meme: Post a regret. It doesn't have to be your biggest regret. It can be something like, "I regret not doing my laundry at 6, because then I put it off and then I watched Lost and afterwards I fell asleep, then woke up with my laundry still dirty." Just a regret. But try to make it funny. Here's mine:

I regret not getting gangbanged by Spock, Mime and Coco (Mime's roommate) all at once. If college is all about being a slut and having sex with as many people as you possibly can, I lost so hard. I'm fucking serious. I was watching porn off my neighbor's wifi, and I suddenly realized this. Although the four of us were never together that long, either I was with Spock OR Mime, or with Mime and Coco, or Spock and Coco, but if I wanted to make it happen, I could have. The idea crossed my mind once or twice, but now I suddenly realize I should've fucking done it. If I'm not doing crazy shit, I have nothing to write on Livejournal about. THAT'S WHY I'VE HARDLY BEEN POSTING. Honestly, I have no roommate in my dorm, we all could've done it at my place on my carpet with my floor pillows and walked down the street to Domino's afterwards to get a pizza or a pasta bowl. Or Taco Bell! We all LOVE Taco Bell! Coco is pretty damn cute too. Spock and I went and saw him at this rendition of The Penny Opera or something, and he has an amazing singing voice, and those three fuckers can grow amazing beards. AMAZING BEARDS! It could've been so 70's! And Mime told me Coco has a huge dong. Why miss out on that?

If you're reading this now, you're tagged to do this. And please comment on this. I don't want your silence to punctuate the fact that I missed out.

Currently, I'm at home between the time of Spring semester and Summer semester. After a sudden epiphany I had one night, I'm changing my major and doing pre-med--specifically Biomedical Science. I've thought about it, and I realized I hated engineering, and I was only doing it to pay for me to be a physicist. But then again, I'd always wanted to be a doctor or a pharmacist, and I don't give a shit to spend time and money to work all the way to a post doc, to probably end up teaching Physics at a university. Being a physicist is a luxury. We don't really need them. Medicinal science and pharmacology has always had a place in my heart, and I learn so quickly in that field, it was stupid to do something else.
Mime and I aren't talking anymore. I don't know if I've mentioned it, but he and I have said all we needed to. Or at least I have. Spock and I are ridiculously in love, and that was allowed to blossom ever since Mime and I had our falling out. I don't harbor any negative feelings though. I just wish I had known whether or not I made some sort of breakthrough with him.

Well, that will be one of life's mysteries. I don't regret doing Physics and Engineering. I learned a lot, and I wouldn't have met the aforementioned men in this post. I know now more than ever what I want to do with my life. And it turns out, it is what I hoped it would be as I was entering my freshman year of high school. That was almost 7 years ago.

Fuck, I'm excited.

This all said, I'm terrified about the future and I make myself feel like crap for anything that resembles failure. I'm just now starting to turn the tides on my depression, but I can't help but stay awake at night fearing I'll be a coke-snorting, obese, irresponsible, uneducated, disgusting loser like my parents. I hate bootstraps stories, but that's what it will be, isn't it? Even if I'm a successful doctor or pharmacist, with no kids, a college and high school education, and perfectly lean (I have all but the career already), a part of me is still going to be trash. I'm not proud of myself.

Goddammit, why do I suddenly go from hilarious and sexual to depressingly poignant? I'm done being self-deprecating. I always pull shit together in the end. Maybe I'll come out of this depressive haze (which I inherited from both parents, Jesus I'm doomed) and realize that I am and always have been better than them, and the limitations set by their own stupidity couldn't even touch my success.

Yeah, maybe I'll believe that one day.

I'm high and eating a baguette.

Wtf?

So it appears I'll be doing a strip-tease as the intro to my university's Rocky Horror Picture Show. I'll also be portraying the role of Doctor Scott.

My flu or infection or whatever I had seemed to have died down on Friday. Although I started the day with a terrible fever like I did at the beginning of my illness, that was the last I dealt with.

Thankfully, I have this to help me:

It's 94 proof, so I hope to get drunk before I get naked on stage.

It seems bacteria have taken up residence in my lungs. And this is the longest fever I've ever had, which is now going on a day and a half.

These antibiotics are making me a little nauseated, but I'm mostly just hungry so I don't think I'm going to puke.

I'm glad I didn't bullshit about getting this checked out. Saturday I started a little fatigued and with a sore throat, but I thought I had a cold. This has gotten substantially worse than a cold. I'm coughing much more than I was Saturday.

The good thing is, I get to postpone taking some exams, although I really hope I'm okay by this party I'm going to this Friday. I'm bartending.

I haven't been this sick in awhile. Now I'm a little delirious.